Breaking Lawn
by forksAGS
Summary: Our version of breaking dawn. What would happen if Bella never became a vampire and Jacob never imprinted on Renesmee? Also... other things happen.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**A/N Starts three days after Bella's transformation** **in Breaking Dawn**

It had been three days since Edward Cullen had transformed Bella Swan. He stood in anticipation as he waited for Bella to wake up. Just as her eyes started to open, she screamed in agony and she started trembling violently. Her screams began to fade and in their place was a completely different noise. The sound of a...

_Chipmunk? _Thought Edward. _Is that meant to happen?_

'Carlisle!' Edward yelled. 'Come here a minute!'

'Yes Edward?' Carlisle suddenly appeared

Edward glanced at him then looked again. Something about Carlisle looked a little odd to him. _Doesn't Carlisle have curly hair? _Thought Edward. _And wasn't he on a hunting trip? _

Edward suddenly realised that he couldn't read Carlisle's mind, and this baffled him more then anything else.

'Carlisle?' _Or whoever you are. _'Weren't you on a hunting trip?' Edward murmured.

Carlisle looked nervous for a quick moment, but then the look was gone, so quickly that Edward thought he had made it up.

'I, uh, came back... early?' Carlisle said, sounding very unsure of himself.

Edward was about to question "Carlisle" but he heard a squeal that stopped him. Edward turned and his jaw hung open.

What stood before him was not the beautiful vampire that he had envisioned but...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Everyone go have some noodles.**

**Yea we're eating noodles :)**

Edward stood there in shock. What he saw before him was not the Bella he knew and loved, but a giant chipmunk.

Edward stared in horror.

'Chipmunk..' Edward whispered. 'CHIPMUNK!' He then shouted.

'Squirrel,' Carlisle quietly corrected.

'How in the world did Bella turn into a chipmunk?' Edward screamed.

'Well, I don't know how she turned into a squirrel,' Carlisle said with a frown.

'She's a freaking chipmunk!' Edward exploded.

'SQUIRREL!' Carlisle bellowed.

Edward burst into tears. 'All I wanted was to be with her forever. And what do I get? A bloody CHIPMUNK!'

'SQUIRREL!' Carlisle shrieked.

Edward heard a squeak from the corner of the room. He turned and saw Bella the squirrel chewing up cables. Edward continued to bawl his eyes out.

The door quietly opened and there stood the stunning Rosalie.

'Carlisle. I heard someone crying. What the hell is going on?' Rosalie questioned.

'See for yourself,' Carlisle sighed.

Carlisle stepped out of the way and what Rosalie saw was Edward crying like a baby next to a giant squirrel.

'Edward... what's with the squirrel?' Rosalie giggled.

Edward glared at her through his tears. 'Carlisle, you tell her.'

'Well, uh, see, the squirrel over there, um, Bella is it?'Carlisle looked questioningly to Rosalie and then at Bella.

Rosalie started at him for a moment then nodded.

'Yes, Bella,' Carlisle continued, 'seems to have turned into a squirrel.' He looked at Rosalie and smiled.

Rosalie looked at Carlisle suspiciously and then rolled her eyes. 'I can see that. Explain _how _it happened Carlisle.'

'Well, I don't really, uh, know how it happened,' Carlisle stammered.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him. _What's up with Carlisle, _she thought to herself knowing that Edward would hear her.

Edward looked up at her and shrugged. Rosalie saw that he looked a little more composed so she approached him.

'I can't hear his mind,' Edward whispered in Rosalie's ear as she sat down next to him.

'Why do you think you can't?' Rosalie murmured, making sure Carlisle couldn't hear.

'I, didn't really think about it until now,' Edward admitted. 'I was a little distracted.'

Rosalie looked at Bella and grimaced.

'I just don't undertsand how it happened,' Edward said in a normal tone. 'Carlisle should know though.'

'About that...,' Rosalie started hesitantly. 'I don't think that's Carlisle.

Edward looked at her as if she had grown another leg.

'Are you crazy? Who else could it be?' Edward questioned sceptically.

'Edward, I'm quite sure that Carlisle would know Bella's name,' Rosalie sighed.

'You don't think... maybe Carlisle perfected his cloning machine,' Edward asked tentatively.

Rosalie stared at him incredulously, then laughed. 'You're joking, right.'

'I'm just saying that it's a possibility,' Edward justified.

Rosalie glanced at "Carlisle" to see if he could hear them. Carlisle seemed oblivious to what Edward and Rosalie were talking about, he was just staring at a spot on the wall and smiled to himself. Edward followed where Rosalie was looking and started laughing.

_Maybe Edward's gone crazy, _Rosalie thought and then looked at Edward questioningly. Edward started to tell her something when the door was flung open and a tall man walked through the door, looking tremendously angry.


	3. Chapter 3

Rosalie gasped as she saw who was standing in the doorway. The tall man was none other then...

'Carlisle?' Rosalie whispered faintly. She frowned. 'But then who's...?'

'STARLISLE! Didn't I tell you NOT to leave the basement??' Carlisle was furious.

"Starlisle" pondered for a moment. 'You may have. But then Edward here called me.' He grinned at Edward who glowered back at him. Rosalie stood beside Edward.

'Carlisle, tell us what is going on,' Rosalie demanded.

Carlisle sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'Well I finally perfected that cloning machine.'

Edward smiled victoriously at Rosalie. She glared back and then turned to Carlisle. 'So then you decided to clone yourself?'

'Well I did need to test it out,' Carlisle explained. 'And the machine only works on human subjects.' Carlisle smiled apologetically at Edward and Rosalie. 'Sorry if it frightened you.'

'I think Rosalie was more surprised about the fact that I was not able to read the clone's mind than Bella turning into a chipmunk,' Edward smiled.

'SQUIRREL!' Rosalie and Starlisle screamed in unison. Carlisle looked curiously at them.

'Edward seems to think that Bella turned into a chipmunk,' Rosalie explained.

Carlisle looked amused. 'Edward, she is obviously a squirrel.

Edward glowered. 'I think we are all forgetting the important issue here. Must I remind you that my beautiful Bella is now a chipmunk??'

'Squirrel,' Rosalie growled. Carlisle gave her a look that clearly told her to leave Edward alone for the moment. Starlisle was making rounds around the room, looking at all the portraits hung up. He occasionally smiled to himself.

'ROSALIE!' Edward suddenly burst out. 'Where is Renesmee?'

'She's fine, she's sleeping right now. Alice is with her.' Rosalie smiled as she talked about Renesmee. Rosalie believed her to be the most perfect child in existence. 'One question for you Edward. Why were you laughing a moment ago?'

Edward chuckled. 'I could hear Carlisle's thoughts as he was approaching the door. You sounded furious,' Edward said, looking in Carlisle's direction. 'I was just laughing at the weirdness of the situation. Here we have Bella as a chipmunk, and an imposter pretending to be Carlisle. And then the _real _Carlisle burst through the door.' Edward started to laugh again.

Rosalie cracked a smile, the yawned. 'I better go down and see how Renesmee is. Unless you want me to stay and help with the _squirrel _situation?' She raised her eyebrows at Edward.

'No you go ahead. Carlisle and I will deal with Bella.' Edward started walking towards the giant squirrel. Rosalie left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

'I don't understand, Carlisle. What went wrong?' Edward whispered, sounding exceedingly miserable. Carlisle looked warily at him before answering. 'I don't know. I've never heard of anything like this happening before.'

Carlisle frowned and muttered to himself a little. Edward looked at him worriedly and was about to speak to him when Carlisle seemed to snap out of it.

'Starlisle!' Carlisle snapped. 'Go back to the basement and don't come out until I say you can.'

'Ok,' Starlisle said worshipfully, although he muttered under his breath as he left the room.

'Now let me think,' Carlisle ordered. He started to walk around the room as Starlisle had done only moments ago yet Carlisle was actually thinking whereas Starlisle had just walked for the sake of something to do.

Squirrel Bella had been quiet for quite some time. She had sat in the corner of the room watching all the commotion as it had happened. Now that there wasn't anything to see, she started hopping towards where Edward was seated. Edward looked up in surprise and smiled when he saw Bella.

Bella looked at Edward quizzically. Well, as quizzically as a squirrel can look. Edward then had an idea. _Maybe I am able to read chipmunk Bella's mind._ Edward concentrated on Bella. Bella, seeing the intensity of his stare, hopped back a bit. Edward was frustrated with himself; he wasn't able to hear her.

Carlisle kept pacing the room, deep in thought. He suddenly stopped. Edward looked at him curiously.

'I've got it!' Carlisle exclaimed.

Edward shot up. 'Carlisle? You alright there?'

'I just came up with the perfect solution!' Then Carlisle's face fell. 'Crap! We don't have magic.'

'Magic?' Edward echoed.

'Magic,' Carlisle agreed.

'You've got to be joking.'

'Well, I'm not.'

Edward looked hopeful for a second. 'Can we do it?'

'No,' Carlisle stated. 'Unless we can find Dark Lord Voldemort.'

Edward looked hopeful again. Carlisle saw the look. 'Joke, Edward, JOKE!'

Edward burst into tears yet again.

'What are we going to do?' He wailed.

'I'll think of something, Edward. Don't you worry,' Carlisle promised.

Edward continued to blubber.

_Meanwhile, somewhere in Australia_

'Hey Rebecca!' Jasnit jumped into the bus. 'What?' Rebecca responded, in a bored, sarcastic tone. 'Guess what I found yesterday,' Jasnit said mysteriously.

'I dunno, But I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me.' Rebecca shrugged. 'Even if I don't want to hear it,' she continued under her breath.

'Well,' Jasnit started as Rebecca sighed. 'Last night I was googling Lord Voldemort, as you do, and I came across something that really interested me. Do you want to know what it is?'

'Didn't I already answer this question?' Rebecca groaned.

Jasnit laughed maniacally. Rebecca raised her eyebrows.

'So anyway,' Jasnit continued. 'I found a way to... SUMMON LORD VOLDEMORT!!'

'You sure you're alright there?' Rebecca questioned.

'Oh come on, it'll be so much fun,' Jasnit encouraged.

'Fine, Fine.'

'Come to my house later then.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah.'

_Later that day_

'Did you bring the stuff?' Jasnit whispered.

'YES I DID,' Rebecca screamed.

'Why aren't you whispering?'

'Why _are _you whispering?'

'Alright. Come on then.'

Jasnit lead the way to her room. Rebecca's jaw hung open as she saw what Jasnit had done to her room. Jasnit smiled at her.

'What.. the.. the.. HELL?' Rebecca stammered loudly. Jasnit had turned her room into a black dungeon. The walls were draped with black material and there was material covering the lamps to make the light darker.

'I thought we should get into character.'

'WHAT CHARACTER?' Rebecca cried disapprovingly.

'Oh I thought we could pretend to be Death Eaters.'

Rebecca slapped her forehead in frustration.

'Fine, Fine. We'll do it your way.'

'That's all I ask.' Jasnit grinned.

_An hour later_

'I don't think it's working,' Jasnit whispered.

Rebecca shook her head despairingly. 'Ya think?'

'Maybe we should try the chanting again?'

Rebecca nodded.

'Alright here we go,

_I want Voldemort to appear_

_I want Voldemort, please come near_

_Come forth in all your glory_'

Nothing happened.

'Maybe we should have tried summoning Harry instead,' Jasnit said wisely.

'Ya think?' Rebecca murmured.

Suddenly the room started to fill with black smoke.

'Hey, who turned on the smoke machine,' Rebecca joked. Jasnit looked worried.

'Not me,' Jasnit replied.

'Then.. then.. who did?' Rebecca stammered.

Jasnit grinned widely. 'YA MUM!!' She started laughing hysterically. She stopped laughing when she saw the smoke had started to clear and before them stood a repulsive, nose less figure.


	4. Chapter 4

Jasnit and Rebecca gasped. Before them stood the tall and menacing Lord Voldemort. Rebecca and Jasnit exchanged frightened glances. Voldemort was looking around in a daze, clearly confused about what had happened.

'Ah, it is good to be alive again,' he breathed.

Ok maybe not that confused.

He swung around to glare at Rebecca and Jasnit. 'And you are the ones who summoned me?' He demanded. They nodded weakly. Voldemort twisted his face into a ghastly smile. 'You have done me a valuable service. For this I shall spare you your lives. Be very grateful.'

All Rebecca and Jasnit could do was nod again. Voldemort grunted and started walking out of the room. He was just about to walk out of the door when he suddenly stopped and turned slowly.

'STUPEFY,' he yelled, pointing his wand at Rebecca and Jasnit. They both fell to the floor, stunned. Literally.

_Might as well check their pockets for some money_, Voldemort thought to himself. He started towards them when something caught his eye. Sitting on Jasnit's desk was a book. _Twilight_. Voldemort grinned and picked up the book. He could afford to spend some time reading before he took over the wizarding world once again. He sat down in Jasnit's armchair, opened the book and started to read.

_Two hours later_

Voldemort was so engrossed in the book that he didn't notice that fact that Rebecca and Jasnit had started to awaken. He heard a quiet giggle and looked over to where the sound had come from. He saw Rebecca and Jasnit sitting up and laughing at him. _The nerve of those girls_, Voldemort thought furiously. He took out his wand, stunned them again and went back to his book.

_Another two hours later _

Voldemort had just finished the book and he sat back in the armchair with his eyes closed, thinking. He knew a lot better than to think that just because something was written in a fictional book, it wasn't true. _Maybe I could find these vampires and take them on as my minions, _he thought. _Though they do seem quite strong. Maybe we could rule the world together. _Voldemort smiled at his cunning plan. He heard the girls awakening again so he decided to make a quick getaway. He apparated out of the room and with that, he set off on his quest to find the vampire from the city of forks.

_Back in Sporks_

It had been two days since Bella had been found as a squirrel and Carlisle had cloned himself.

'Carlisle, I'm going crazy,' Edward complained, looking at Bella sleeping in the corner of the room. 'What am I going to do? My wife has turned into a chipmunk.'

'For gods' sake Edward. How many times am I going to have to tell you that Bella is not a chipmunk, she is a SQUIRREL,' Carlisle snapped.

Edward buried his face in his hands and whimpered. Just then, Emmett walked through the door.

'Since when has Edward been such a wimp?' Emmett laughed. Edward gave him a dirty look through his tears. 'Try having Rosalie turned into a chipmunk, then see how you would hold up.'

'Bella's a chipmunk?' Emmett said, turning to Carlisle. 'I thought she was a squirrel.'

'She is,' Carlisle assured him. 'Edward here just seems to think that she is a chipmunk.

'Dude, she is obviously a squirrel,' Emmett said, slapping Edward on the back. 'Carlisle, explain to me how this happened again.'

Carlisle sunk into an armchair. 'Well Emmett, It appears to me that because of Bella's immunities to some of our powers, her body reacted strangely with the vampire venom. For some reason, it turned her into a squirrel.'

'It just doesn't make sense,' Edward muttered.

'What was that Edward?' Carlisle inquired.

'I said it doesn't make sense. Why would she turn into a chipmunk? How can the venom have affected her like that?

'I don't exactly know how either. It's just one of those things, like us being vampires.'

'Then _who _would know?' Edward wailed.

'And why a squirrel?' Emmett intoned.

Rosalie burst into the room, carrying a sleeping Renesmee in her arms.

Emmett ran over to Rosalie's side and put his arms out for Renesmee. Rosalie shooed him away and walked towards Edward. Edward looked into Renesmee's face. 'The same eyes,' he muttered. 'She has the same eyes.'

'Bella's not dead. Don't give up hope.' Rosalie encouraged.

Edward stared at Rosalie. 'She's a chipmunk. I think I can give up.'

'Yeah actually I think you can,' Rosalie advised.

Jasper and Alice entered the room. Edward took one look at them and stomped out of the room.

'What's gotten into him?' Jasper demanded.

Carlisle turned to glare at Rosalie.

'What?' she asked innocently.

'You shouldn't have told him there was no chance,' Carlisle growled.

Rosalie looked taken aback. 'But you know there's no chance. Why give him any false hope.'

'Because he needed that hope to keep himself together,' Carlisle groaned.

Alice suddenly stiffened then screamed. They all looked at her expectantly.

'Something, or someone, dangerous is coming,' Alice said faintly.

'Is it the Volturi?' Carlisle questioned.

'No, it's something we've never seen before and it's extremely dangerous.

Alice dropped to her knees and Jasper flew to her side.

'No, I'm fine,' she assured him. 'I just feel a little faint.

'what did you see?' Carlisle asked.

'Just... danger,' Alice whispered.

'But you must have seen what it was,' Carlisle insisted.

'Well, I didn't,' Alice said firmly.

'I think,' Jasper said, using his calming influence. 'that we should all calm down. Jasper led Alice out of the room.

'I'll go see where Edward is,' Carlisle said, as he walked out the door.

Emmett glanced at Rosalie and she looked at him. They both burst out laughing.

'A squirrel,' Emmett spluttered.

'I know,' Rosalie giggled. 'And Edward thinks she's a chipmunk.'

'That crazy man.'

Emmett and Rosalie left the room laughing.

_About 10 minutes later_

Edward quietly opened the door and stuck his head in. 'Is anyone there,' he whispered. After receiving no response, he crept into the room, carrying a tin of white paint in his hand.

Sitting on the bed in the room was Bella. Edward smiled. _No one would think she's a squirrel once I'm done. _He pulled out a paintbrush from his pocket and opened the tine of paint. Edward dipped the paintbrush into the paint and 2 long stripes on Bella's back. He stood back to admire his handiwork. _Now no one can deny that she is a chipmunk. _He stood there and then started laughing to himself.

The others, hearing the laughter, raced upstairs. What they saw was Edward with a white tin of paint in his hand laughing madly next to Bella the...

'Chipmunk?' Alice whispered.

Emmett laughed. 'Yep, Edward has finally cracked.

* * *

**Review please.**


	5. Chapter 5

'Edward?' Carlisle asked warily. 'What do you think you're doing?'

Edward smiled triumphantly. 'I told you she was a chipmunk.'

'SHE IS A SQUIREL GOD DAMN IT' they all cried in unison.

Edward groaned in frustration.

'Does she look like a squirrel to you now?' Edward said, gesturing to Bella.

'That's because you freaking painted her,' Emmett boomed.

Edward just grinned.

'She looks great doesn't she?'

'Eh, NO. Not really,' Rosalie commented

'Maybe I should go get Esme to see if he is okay mentally...' Alice trailed off as she left the room.

'Edward's on crack isn't he?' Emmett whispered.

'I was wondering why the room smelt so funky,' Jasper added. Everyone turned to stare at, including Bella the squirrel/chipmunk.

'What?' Jasper asked. 'Don't people say funky anymore?'

Just then, a scream sounded through the air.

'What the hell was that?' Starlisle said.

'Hey I thought I told you to go-' Carlisle started but was interrupted.

'Uh guys? I think we're going to be having burnt a la Esme for dinner,' Alice commented as she slid into the room.

'What do you mean?' Edward questioned.

'Well, you know that storm that was coming?' Alice asked.

'Yeeaaahhh...' Carlisle said slowly.

"Well it, came,' Alice stated. 'And, uh, Esme was outside near the garage and she er... kinda got struck by, oh you know, lightening.' Alice mumbled.

Carlisle looked shocked. 'Lightning?' he asked sceptically.

'Err, ahhh, yehh...' Alice answered.

Carlisle couldn't move. 'How did this happen?' he asked faintly.

'Didn't I already answer this question?' Alice said.

Carlisle glared at her.

'Ok, ok,' Alice sighed. 'Well I went to get Esme, she was outside gardening. So I called her and told her to come inside because it was getting dark. I also saw a storm coming, like I told you.'

'Yet, you didn't see Esme being struck by lightning?' Carlisle asked desperately.

Alice froze, deep in thought. 'No I didn't,' she whispered. 'I yelled to her, to come inside and then I starting walking towards the door when I heard her scream.'

'So she's... dead?' Carlisle groaned.

'Yes she is,' Alice said with remorse. Carlisle ran out of the room. Jasper started to run after him but Alice stopped him. 'I think he might need to be alone for a while,' she told him. Jasper nodded.

Suddenly Edward cackled. Emmett smacked him in the back of the head which caused Edward to glare at him. 'What was that for?' he asked, rubbing the back of his head.

'There is NOTHING funny about this situation,' Emmett growled.

'Yes there is,' Edward grinned. They all looked at him questioningly.

'Carlisle's gone crazy,' he stated.

'Look he's talking,' Emmett muttered under his breath.

'What do you mean crazy,' Rosalie asked.

'You'll see soon enough.'

Alice turned around and noticed Starlisle standing against the wall.

'What are you doing here Starlisle?' Alice asked kindly.

'Yeah I thought Carlisle told you to stay in the basement,' Jasper put in.

Starlisle stayed silent.

'Get outta here,' Emmett yelled.

Starlisle quietly exited the room.

'We have the weirdest family,' Rosalie wailed.

'Huh?' Jasper asked.

'I mean, we have Bella turned into a chipmunk, as crazy brother, a dead mother and a possibly crazy father. At least according to Edward.'

'Not you too.'

'What Jasper?'

'Well Rosalie, you just called Bella a chipmunk.'

Rosalie looked stricken. 'I did?'

Jasper nodded.

'Well I meant squirrel.'

Jasper nodded again, with a smile.

'ESME,' Alice wailed.

'It's ok Alice,' Jasper whispered soothingly.

'I could have saved her.'

At that moment Carlisle burst into the room, smiling.

Alice approached him warily. 'Carlisle, you ok?'

'I just had the most brilliant plan.' He looked behind him. 'Come in Esme.'

Esme walked into the room, looking shy.

**Sorry it's a short chapter, but the next one will be longer.**

**Reviews are appreciated :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Emmett pointed at Esme. 'Aren't you dead?'

Esme stared at him. 'Of course not you silly boy.

Emmett pouted.

'Carlisle, who's this?' Jasper said nodding in Esme's direction.

'It's Esme. Can't you tell?' Carlisle answered.

'Did you clone Esme?' Rosalie questioned.

Carlisle looked shifty. 'Maybe...'

Emmett stared at Carlisle. 'You're crazy aren't you?'

'What are you talking about? Now we don't have to feel sad, or upset. We have our beloved Esme back'

Carlisle beamed.

'He's turning into Edward,' Alice whispered to Jasper.

'I heard that,' Edward glared.

Alice grinned.

'This is insane,' Jasper whispered back.

'How did you do it anyway,' Edward wondered.

'I cloned her,' Carlisle said uncertainly.

'No, you misunderstood. I mean how did you clone her. She's dead isn't she?'

'For the last time, she's ALIVE. She's standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME,' Carlisle growled.

'Ok, ok. Just tell me HOW you CLONED HER!'

'Oooohh. Well why didn't you say that in the first place?'

'I did,' Edward grumbled.

'Well that's easy. I had her DNA,' Carlisle explained.

'So uh, you don't suppose you could uh, help me out.' Edward stuttered.

'Nonsense Edward. Don't be ridiculous. _She's _not dead.' Carlisle said, looking at Bella.

'Yet,' he whispered under his breath.

'I'm sorry what was that?' Carlisle smiled.

'Nothing.'

Alice screamed. 'Don't you dare kill Bella, Edward.'

'Why would you think that?' Edward chuckled nervously.

'I can see the future you idiot,' she yelled.

'The possible future,' Edward corrected.

Alice glared at him.

'Hey guys, let's get back to the subject here. Clone Esme,' Rosalie reminded them.

'Sorry dear, but my name's Clenesme,' she interrupted.

'Sorry,' Rosalie said sarcastically. Everyone turned to stare at her. 'What? I've been under a lot of stress lately.'

_Meanwhile, somewhere in Pennsylvania._

'I told you. There ain't no vampires around here, you noseless freak,' an angry villager yelled, waving his pitchfork. All the villagers had heard about the nasty creature roaming the streets of their small village in Pennsylvania. They had come to put a stop to him.

'I know they exist, you uneducated muggles,' Voldemort yelled in fury. 'Lead them to me at once.'

The crowd grumbled. Another brave villager shouted out, 'We told ya, there ain't no vampires round this place. Get THAT through your thick, ugly, noseless head.'

'STUPFEY,' Voldemort yelled, stunning that villager.

'Tell me where the vampires are.'

'Oh you'd be wanting blood-suckers,' an old man called out.

'That's what I've been saying for the last half hour.' Voldemort bellowed.

'Well, maybe you should try Transylvania,' the old man smiled.

Voldemort froze. 'Transylvania?'

'Transylvania,' the old man confirmed.

' I swear vampires lived in Pennsylvania. Although the book said they lived in Forks, but I've already been there and there weren't any vampires there. Maybe I should try Transylvania. Can't hurt. Might as well try...'

'Looks like he's talking to himself,' the old man muttered to his companions.

'He actually thinks vampires are real, that deranged weirdo,' one of the villagers said.

'Maybe we should leave him, he's not that dangerous.'

'He just stunned Billy Bob. I think that proves that he's dangerous,' said one of the villagers.

The old man nodded. 'Let's get him!'

Voldemort looked up as he heard footsteps. He saw the crowd approaching, waving their pitchforks. Voldemort started to leave but then stopped as a thought occurred to him. Voldemort smiled his twisted, evil smile and pulled out his wand. _A little going away present wouldn't hurt them,_ he thought to himself. Voldemort muttered a spell and from his wand appeared a huge green snake, venomous from the look of it. And with that he disappeared.

_Later in Transylvania_

Voldemort knocked on the door of the house he stood in front of. After arriving at Transylvania, he had decided to meet some old friends and see if they knew anything about the vampires. They didn't. He planned to go to as many houses as it took to get the information that he needed.

The door creaked open and a toddler stuck her head out, smiling. She stopped as soon as she saw Voldemort and ran into the house. Voldemort sighed. _Why do I have this effect on children? _He thought. _I'm such a kind man._

A man walked up to the open door and stood there.

Voldemort cleared his throat. 'I have a question for you.'

The man smiled politely and waited.

'I want to know if vampires live here,' Voldemort stated.

The man's polite smile faded. 'Are you crazy?'

Voldemort sighed. 'Not again,' he muttered. 'No I am not crazy,' he said out loud. 'I honestly want to know. Tell me the truth or your life will be in danger.'

The man snorted. 'What are you gonna do to me?'

Voldemort pulled out his wand and pointed it to the man's chest.

'That is what I'm going to do.' Voldemort hissed.

The man stood, shocked. 'There is no such thing as vampires,' his said as his voice shook.

'They exist. Now tell me, where would I find them?'

'Not in Transylvania.'

'Then where?' Voldemort groaned.

'Sporks in Washington, America.'

Voldemort was surprised. 'Sporks? You sure you don't mean forks?'

'Very sure. People always assume it's Forks because of the book.'

'Other people are looking for the vampires?'

'Hundreds.'

Voldemort was sceptical. How could this man be so sure? He asked him how he knew.

'Old folk legends. The vampires always go to Sporks eventually. They're drawn to it.'

Voldemort thanked him and walked away with his head full of the newly acquired knowledge. He now knew where the vampires would be. He smiled to himself. _Excellent,_ he thought. _Once I get to them, it's onto my plans for world domination. _

He saw a brightly lit ice-cream store. _Maybe I'll stop for some ice-cream first._


	7. Chapter 7

'Strawberry ice-cream,' Alice yelled out.

Rosalie and Renesmee stared at her.

'Sorry,' she grinned. 'It just came into my head.'

Rosalie rolled her eyes. She, Alice and Renesmee were sitting downstairs in the living room. Carlisle and Clenesme had gone for a walk and Emmett and Jasper had gone hunting. Edward was upstairs, moping about Bella.

'It's been almost a week and he's still just as upset as he was on the day it happened,' Rosalie commented.

'I know. It's kind of freaking me out,' Alice agreed. 'I know it's a big tragedy and all that, but he doesn't need to be such a cry baby about it.'

'Watch who you're calling cry baby,' Edward growled as he walked into the room.

'And he lives,' Rosalie said sarcastically.

Edward smiled. 'I do feel better.'

Rosalie rolled her eyes. He obviously didn't get the sarcasm.

'Seen anything about Bella,' Edward asked, turning to Alice.

Alice shook her head. 'I'm trying really hard. What is Bella up to anyway?'

'She's eating hazelnuts,' Edward declared.

There was silence.

A long and awkward silence.

Alice started laughing and wouldn't stop, even when Edward glared at her.

'I still can't believe you painted her,' Rosalie shook her head. 'That was insanely funny.'

'Well, you guys didn't believe she was a chipmunk so I wanted to make it obvious.'

'Oh shut up will you,' Rosalie groaned. 'You're hurting my head.'

'Try being me,' Edward muttered.

Jasper and Emmett ran into the room.

'Hey, look who we found on the way,' Emmett grinned.

Jacob walked into the room. Edward was surprised. Jacob smiled politely then was angry when he saw that Bella wasn't with them.

'Where have you been?' Edward asked.

'I had to talk to Sam. He convinced me to stay for a while. But never mind me, where's Bella?'

Edward and Rosalie exchanged glances.

Jacob watched them with a curious look, then was angry.

'What happened to her? Is she a vampire yet?' Jacob looked questioningly at everyone in the room.

'Do you want to tell him or should I?' Alice whispered to Edward.

'I will,' he whispered back.

'Tell me what?' Jacob whinged.

'Well...'

_Meanwhile at an ice-cream store in Transylvania_

'Strawberry ice-cream! Yum,' Voldemort sighed. The girl serving him kept staring at him, as if he was an animal in a circus.

'What happened to your nose?' she stammered.

'What? Is there something on it?'

'You don't have one.'

'Well you think there's something wrong with my nose? Do ya? Do ya? I think I'm pretty handsome. Don't ya think I'm handsome?'

The girl fainted as Voldemort continued ranting. 'You think there's something wrong with me? Who thinks I'm pretty,' He yelled to the other customers.

'Hey you,' he said running to a customer. 'What's your name?'

'Bobby Bill,' he stuttered.

'Well Bobby Bill. Do you think I'm handsome?'

Bobby Bill fainted.

'Useless muggles,' he muttered. 'Don't even know how to flatter a man. He stormed out of the store. _HAHAHA! I didn't pay, _he thought. _That'll teach 'em._ He walked away laughing maniacally.

_Back in Sporks_

'What d'ya mean she's a chipmunk,' Jacob said miserably.

'SQUIRREL!' everyone but Edward screamed.

'Squirrel?' Jacob looked up. 'Look at her; she's five feet of pure chipmunk.'

'That's because this jerkface over here decided to paint her,' Emmett laughed, pointing at Edward.

'What?'

'It's a long story. Basically Edward thought she was a chipmunk-' Alice started.

'Even though she's clearly a squirrel,' Jasper interrupted. Alice glared at him.

'Sorry,' Jasper apologised.

'Yes. So, Edward painted her so we would ALL think she's a chipmunk.'

Jacob stared at Edward. 'Man, you're crazy.'

'Well, Carlisle cloned Esme,' Edward accused.

Jacob turned to stare at Carlisle.

'What?' Carlisle said innocently.

'You're ALL crazy.' Jacob turned to Rosalie. 'Especially you, Blondie.'

'What'd I do?' Rosalie yelled.

'You lived.'

Emmett laughed. Rosalie punched him in the arm. 'I'm not alive, dog.'

Emmett continued to laugh. Rosalie punched him yet agen, this time hard enough for him to be thrown out the open window. Then she punched Jacob, who fell to the ground. Rosalie kissed her knuckles. 'That'll teach 'em,' she said smugly.

_Meanwhile, at an airport in Transylvania_

'I'm sorry sir, there seems to be a problem with your passport.'

'What problem?' Voldemort hissed.

'Well uh, it seems your passport is an exercise book with a picture of Robert Pattison stuck on the front page and your name and age next to it.' The flight manager said.

'I don't have a passport. I never needed it. I normally use, er, _other _methods of transport,' Voldemort explained.

'I see. Well that will be a problem.'

'Oh no it won't,' Voldemort whispered. 'Imperio.' Now the man was under his control.

'There's no problem then?'

'Not at all,' the man said, in a daze.

Voldemort picked up his carry on luggage and walked towards gate 3, where his plane to Sporks was leaving from.

_Later in the plane_

"Sir, please go back to your seat,' an airhostess said, giving Voldemort a weird look.

He stomped back to his seat and sat down.

'Don't forgot to buckle your seat belt,' she reminded him.

'Don't forget to buckle your seat belt,' Voldemort mimicked. _I hate this plane. Maybe I'll get some juice._

'Excuse me ma'am?' he said in a deep voice.

'Yes,' she smiled. Her smile fell when she saw Voldemort's face. _Not again_, he thought.

'Could I please have some apple juice,' he grunted.

'Sure,' she whispered and walked away. Voldemort saw her talking to another airhostess and pointing in his direction.

Voldemort sat back comfortably and closed his eyes. _Darn muggle clothes. So uncomfortable,_ he thought. Voldemort had avoided going anywhere near the wizarding world. Someone might recognise him and alert the authorities. That was why he was wearing the muggle clothes.

'Excuse me sir, your juice,' a voice said distracting him from his thoughts. He looked up and saw an air hostess looking extremely nervous and holding a glass of apple juice. He smiled at her. When she saw his smile, she got so scared that she dropped the juice and ran.

'What kind of service is this?' Voldemort yelled. The people in the seats around him broke out into nervous laughter, but were silenced by a glare from Voldemort.

_23 long long hours later (Transylvania is in Europe)_

Voldemort felt as fresh as a daisy, it's not like he needed much sleep. He was like a vampire in many ways. Except for the blood thing. And the really good-looking thing. Well, for Voldemort it was just the blood thing.

He was on his way to what was described as the biggest house in Sporks. He was told this by the man in Transylvania. _Big white house,_ he thought to himself. _BIG white house.  
_

_Five minutes later_

After what seemed like hours (but was only like five minutes), Voldemort approached the end of the long winding driveway. He was almost excited to finally be meeting the vampires.

'Oh goody,' he said aloud in excitement, then looked around making sure no one had heard.

_I wonder what they have in their pockets, _he thought to himself. He looked up and there stood a blue house. _Wait, blue? That's not right. _

'Carlisle, we have a guest,' a voice screamed from the second story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Well, we have decided to continue with this story so enjoy.**

**Don't forget to review.**

* * *

Voldemort looked up and saw 2 figures on the side of the house painting. As he looked closer he saw that they were painting the house red.

'You're right, painting does help with misery,' one of them said.

'I know something else that helps misery,' the other one said.

'What?'

'Cloud watching' He shouted.

They both scrambled up the side of the house to get to the roof.

'EDWARD!' a man bellowed from inside the house.

'What?' Edward whined slinking towards the man.

'The house was blue, now it's red,' he stated.

'And..'

'What is wrong with you? Why are you and Jacob painting the house. I liked it when it was white, now it's RED!'

'Well Carlisle, I think red matches his eyes, so I thought why not,' Edward shrugged.

'Oh ok,' Carlisle turned to go, then suddenly stopped. 'Wait, whose eyes?'

'Voldemort's of course,' Edward chuckled.

'Who's Voldemort?' Carlisle inquired.

'Why the man downstairs of course.'

'There's a man down stairs.'

'Well, almost a man.'

'What d'ya mean?' Carlisle was puzzled.

'He appears to be missing a nose.'

Voldemort raced up the side of the house and stood on the roof, glaring at Edward.

'Who you calling almost a man?' Voldemort roared.

Edward smiled. 'You of course, silly.'

Voldemort screamed in fury. 'You think there's something wrong with my nose? I'll admit that it does seem a bit smallish when you see me in person, but check out my passport picture.' He pulled out the exercise book that he called a passport and opened it to show them the picture he had stuck in.

Edward glanced at it and roared with laughter. Voldemort glared at him.

'What? I look pretty good,' Edward grinned.

'Wait, that's you? I mean, what are you on about. This is obviously me,' Voldemort blushed.

Edward roared with laughter. 'Sure sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.'

Voldemort sighed. _Stupid muggles,_ he thought. _Wait, not muggles, Vampires. _Voldemort grinned when he remembered the reason he had travelled to Sporks.

'Ok you're Carlisle?' Voldemort questioned and Carlisle nodded. 'And you're Edward?' Edward gave a curt nod. He turned to the other man standing with them. 'And who are you?'

'Jacob Black,' the man nodded.

'Well gentlemen,' Voldemort started, when suddenly two young men burst through the door.

'Emmett, Jasper. So nice of you to join us,' Carlisle smiled. Emmett looked from Voldemort to Edward. Edward shrugged as he heard Emmett asking who the man was in his mind.

When Voldemort saw Emmett, he just about died and went to heaven. _So strong. We can easily control the world if these vampires are that strong. _

'Why are you here?' Carlisle asked Voldemort after filling in Emmett and Jasper on what had happened.

'Why because you're going to help me take over the world of course' Voldemort exclaimed glee evident in his voice.

They all stared at him like he had just said he had won miss universe.

'You're strange you know that' Emmett stated.

'You think there's something wrong with my nose don't you?'Voldemort accused.

'Ummmm no...'Jasper said unsurely. 'He was talking about what you just said.'

'I'LL KILL YOU!' Voldemort screamed. 'Wait, scratch that. I need you for world domination.'

'Scratch what?' Jacob joked. 'You're nose? Well I can't. 'Cos you don't have one.' Jacob grinned. 'Get it? HAVE ONE!' He burst into hysterical laughter.

'Why you little...' Voldemort ranted when suddenly Rosalie walked onto the roof laughing at what Jacob had just said. 'Idiot,' she muttered then turned to Voldemort and said 'Want me to push him off the roof for you.'

'Yes please,' Voldemort beamed.

Rosalie smiled and shoved Jacob off the roof. Emmett started chortling. 'That's why I married her.' He walked over to Rosalie and put his arm around her. She shook it off and glared menacingly at him.

Voldemort, seeing this, said 'Idiot. Want me to push him off the roof for you?' he asked, turning to Rosalie. She nodded in agreement.

Voldemort ran to Emmett who started to back away. 'Stay away from me you noseless freak,' Emmett roared mockingly. Voldemort screamed in fury. 'No one mocks LORD VOLDEMORT.' With that he pushed Emmett off the roof, who landed on Jacob, and smiled victoriously.

Voldemort and Rosalie high fived each other. 'That ought to teach them,' Rosalie smirked.

Jasper, Carlisle and Edward stood helplessly as they saw something that didn't happen very often, Rosalie getting along with a stranger.

Voldemort cleared his throat and started to speak. 'So you're all probably wondering why I'm here.'

Carlisle nodded. 'Yeah we were.'

'Well, here's the thing. I know you're vampires, and I want you to join me in taking over the world. With your strength and my extraordinary magical skills, who knows what we could do.' Voldemort smiled in the silence that followed his words.

'Wait, how did you know we are vampires?' Edward said with a frown.

Voldemort laughed. 'I read twilight.'

'Well so has half the world, but they didn't believe it.'

'And that's where they went wrong. I believed and here I am,' Voldemort stated.

'Who are you anyway?' Jasper asked.

'Sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. I am Dark Lord Voldemort, the most dangerous dark wizard ever.'

'Wizard?' Carlisle said questioningly.

'Yes, wizards exist. Just like Vampires. And I am an extraordinary wizard. So tell me, will you join me?'

Jasper, Edward and Carlisle looked at each other for a brief moment and then turned back to Voldemort.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N didn't get many reviews for the last chapter :( so please please please REVIEW!!**

* * *

'NEVER!!' Emmett screamed as her raced up the stairs and burst through the door.

Voldemort turned to him, his fake politeness gone. He snarled and jumped at Emmett but stopped himself just in time. Voldemort smiled. 'Maybe you should ask everyone else what they think.'

Voldemort turned to Carlisle and Edward who were deep in discussion. It looked to him that they were seriously considering his proposition.

'If he is a wizard, then he may know that magic that will turn Bella back into a human,' Edward muttered.

'But we can't help him with world domination. It goes against everything we stand for,' Carlisle reminded him.

'I know that Carlisle. But maybe we can convince him to change Bella.'

'I don't think he'll be quite willing to help us when we turn him down on his offer.'

Edward nodded and turned to see Voldemort staring at them intently.

'Jasper,' Edward whispered. 'Come here.'

'What?' Jasper asked.

'Try making him calm when Carlisle tells him we don't want to join him.'

Jasper nodded.

'Ok let's do this,' Edward said looking at Carlisle.

Carlisle carefully approached Voldemort, who smiled widely. Carlisle actually felt a little frightened of this man, and vampires weren't easily scared.

'Well Mr Voldemort,' Carlisle started.

'Lord Voldemort,' Voldemort interrupted.

Emmett glared at him.

'Sorry, Lord Voldemort,' Carlisle continued. 'I'm sorry but we're going to have to reject your offer.'

Voldemort stood still after hearing those words. _Is he serious? _he thought.

'You're.. rejecting me?' Voldemort said quietly.

Carlisle looked uncomfortable. 'Not rejecting you. We just don't want to take over the world. We just want to live in peace.'

Voldemort couldn't move. Didn't want to take over the world? He had never heard of such a thing.

'What's wrong with him?'Emmett whispered.

Voldemort's head snapped up and he glared at Emmett. He started towards him when he suddenly felt inexplicable calm settle over him. Voldemort knew he wanted to be angry but he wasn't able to.

'Well, I guess if that's your final answer...' Voldemort trailed off when he saw a giant squirrel hop onto the roof. Edward walked towards the human sized squirrel and stood next to it. Voldemort looked from the Squirrel to Edward.

Carlisle saw him looking at the squirrel. 'That's Bella, Edward's wife.'

'His wife is a chipmunk?'

'Well she used to be human, but it's a long story.'

'I've got time,' Voldemort said eagerly.

Carlisle looked at Edward uneasily, who nodded back.

'I dunno,' Carlisle said warily.

Voldemort sat on the ground eagerly rested his chin on his hand.

'Proceed,' he commanded.

'Well it's not really something we tell strangers...' Carlisle admitted.

'I'm not a stranger. We're good friends now.'

Carlisle looked unsure.

'It's ok, you can trust me,' Voldemort insisted.

_I don't think we can_, Edward heard Carlisle think.

'Just tell him, it can't do any harm,' Edward whispered.

Carlisle nodded, though he looked troubled.

'Well it all began with Bella wanting to become a vampire...'

'So she just randomly turned into a squirrel?' Voldemort questioned.

'Chipmunk,' Edward growled.

Voldemort looked at Edward. 'She's a chipmunk? But Carlisle here said she's a squirrel.'

'Yes well Edward seems to think she's a chipmunk. He even painted white stripes on her back. Thank god that's faded off.'

Edward glared at Carlisle.

'She is a chipmunk,' he told Voldemort. 'They're all in denial.'

'You're in denial,' Emmett muttered.

Voldemort still felt strangely calm, which was not something he usually felt after being so rudely rejected. The door to the roof swung open and in walked a girl with short black hair.

'Hey guys,' she said cheerfully. 'What's up?'

'Alice,' Jasper groaned. 'Not now.'

Alice smiled. 'Why are you all so stressed?' She looked around until she saw Voldemort. She stared at him then looked towards Carlisle.

Carlisle cleared his throat. 'This,' he said gesturing to Voldemort, 'is Dark Lord Voldemort. He was just about to leave.'

'I was?' Voldemort looked surprised.

'Yes you were,' Carlisle said firmly.

'Well, I guess I'm leaving. It was good to meet you all. It's a shame that you chose not to join me.'

'Yes a shame,' Carlisle lied. 'Goodbye.'

'Bye,' Voldemort waved.

'Bye,' they all said in unison.

Once he had left, Carlisle sighed and sank into a chair.

'God, I thought he'd never leave,' Emmett laughed. Carlisle glared at him.

'Why does everyone glare at me?' he said defensively.

'Because you say the stupidest things,' Rosalie pointed out.

Emmett nodded.

'I guess we should be glad that he took that so well,' Edward said.

'True,' Carlisle agreed. 'And it was all thanks to Jasper.'

Jasper smiled modestly.

'I hope he remembers to be angry once he's miles away,' Carlisle sighed.

_Where Voldemort was_

Voldemort was furious. Unfortunately he was miles away from Sporks.

'Darn vampires,' he groaned.

_Back in Sporks_

'I'm glad he's gone,' Jasper announced.

'Right on,' Emmett grinned.

Rosalie slapped her forehead.

'What?' Emmett said innocently.

'Again with the stupid things,' she muttered.

Suddenly the door swung open and in walked Seth with a stranger.

'Hey guys,' he said cheerfully. 'Look who I found.'

They turned to see the stranger and saw that he had messy black hair, green eyes and a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead

'It's...,' Seth said mysteriously.

Everyone leaned forward in anticipation.

* * *

**A/N Hey again. Just so you know, it's Rebecca's birthday tomorrow so it would be really good if you guys could review. It would be a good birthday present :).**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Just a word of advice: the more you review the faster we update :P They motivate us to write faster.**

'... Harry Potter,' Seth finished proudly, a grin plastered on his face.

Everyone stared blankly.

'Come again?' Emmett INSERT WORD.

'You know, Harry Potter. From the Harry Potter books. They're named after him. They're called Harry Potter. It's about his life and what he does at his school Hogwarts,' Seth babbled.

'Shut up! We get the point,' Edward snapped.

'Some people...' Seth muttered.

'I heard that,' Edward reminded him, grinning wickedly.

'Hello Harry. I'm Carlisle.'

'Pleasure to meet you, sir,' Harry replied.

'What'd he say,' Jacob whispered to Bella. After realising she was still a squirrel he repeated the question to Edward.

'He's English; you won't be able to understand anything he says. No offence,' Edward said turning to Harry.

Harry smiled obliviously.

'Seth, why did you bring him here?' Carlisle said turning to Seth.

'I dunno. He looked kinda clueless,' Seth shrugged.

'Harry, do you know where you are?' Carlisle asked gently.

'Well, I have a feeling I'm not in London anymore,' Harry answered.

'Nice one genius,' Emmett murmured. Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head.

'What was that for?' Emmett said rubbing the back of his head.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. 'For saying stupid things.'

'You do that a lot.'

'You say stupid things a lot.'

Harry laughed. 'You people are jolly good fun.' He suddenly stopped laughing and started to look a little sick.

'You ok?' Seth questioned.

'I just realised, until recently I was dead.'

'Wait. What?' Carlisle asked.

'Yes, dead,' Harry confirmed.

'Then how are you alive?'

Harry shrugged.

'Hey, you're a wizard,' Seth assumed.

'Why yes I am,' Harry bragged.

'Do you know why you came back to life?' Carlisle questioned.

Harry shook his head.

'I know,' Voldemort exclaimed with glee.

'When'd you get here?' Jacob demanded.

'What do you mean? I've been here the whole time,' Voldemort laughed.

'But I thought you were miles away from Sporks.'

'Oh, that's an old story now. Part of the good old days. Our happy memories.'

'He's weird,' Emmett whispered to Rosalie.

'I heard that,' Voldemort stated. 'Back to more important things. You guys really need to get some more toilet paper.'

Edward shuddered and then stormed out of the room. He walked around the garden until he noticed that someone was following him.

Edward turned around. 'Why are you STALKING ME?' he yelled in Voldemort's face.

'I'm not stalking you, I'm just following you around.' He replied.

'But that's the same thing,'

'No it isn't,' Voldemort smiled. 'It's like we're playing... follow the leader,' he said thoughtfully.

Edward slapped his forehead in frustration. 'You know, somewhere up there, the god of stalking is looking down at you and wondering why you deny it.'

Voldemort grinned. 'Let's go back in and join the others. We can have a nice cup of tea.'

'I don't drink tea,' Edward grunted.

'Well how about a nice cup of hot coffee.'

'I don't drink coffee either.'

'What do you drink?'

'Blood,' Edward said and then stomped back to the roof.

Voldemort laughed. 'Funny joke. Hey come back here. Where are you going? Don't you walk away from me,' he threatened.

Edward suddenly appeared in front of him. 'What do you want?'

'Do you really drink blood?'

'Yes.'

'Really?'

'Yes.'

'Really really?'

'Yes.'

'Really really really?'

'YES! SHUT UP!'

Edward continued to make his way to the roof.

'Really really really really?' Voldemort yelled as he followed him.

'YES!' Edward cried in frustration.

'CARLISLE!' Edward yelled, when he reached the roof. 'He won't shut up.'

'Who?' Carlisle asked.

'Voldemort.'

Carlisle turned to Voldemort. 'Well Mr Voldemort-'

'How many times do I have to tell you. It's LORD Voldemort,' Voldemort said.

'It's LORD Voldemort,' Emmett mocked.

Voldemort glared at him then laughed as Rosalie hit him on the back of the head.

'Sucks to be him,' Voldemort chuckled. Rosalie grinned at him.

'Now Harry, please try and remember how you came back to life.' Carlisle said kindly.

Harry screwed up his face in concentration. 'I think...' he began.

'Go on,' Carlisle prompted.

'I don't know. All I remember is wandering in the forest and then being found by Seth.'

'Are you sure you don't remember anything else?'

Harry shook his head.

Voldemort coughed loudly.

'I believe I can tell you how he came back to life,' he said as Carlisle turned to him.

'AAHHHH! LORD VOLDEMORT,' Harry yelled, noticing Voldemort for the first time.

'Harry, don't worry. I'm not evil anymore,' Voldemort smiled.

Harry continued to eye Voldemort warily.

Carlisle cleared his throat. 'Please,' he said to Voldemort, 'tell us what you know.'

'I wonder,' Voldemort pondered. 'Has anyone been struck by lightning recently?'

'Yes. My wife was,' Carlisle admitted.

'Ah that would have done it,' Voldemort pondered.

'Done what?'

'It was prophesized that when an immortal was struck by lightning, Harry Potter would return. What I don't understand is why he's in his 17 year old body. You died old, didn't you Harry?'

'Yes I did,' Harry said proudly.

'Well that is of little relevance. What's Harry going to do now he's back?' Edward wondered.

Everyone turned to Harry.

'Only one way to find out,' Emmett grinned.

Suddenly, a piercing scream shot through the air...


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N we know it's been a while but we're back now :)**

'What was that?'Jacob wondered.

'I know what that was,' Voldemort said smugly.

Carlisle groaned. Voldemort patted Carlisle's back.

'Get away from him you noseless freak,' Edward growled.

Voldemort glared at him. 'Again with the bagging of the nose.'

'Nothing's wrong with your nose, dear,' a voice said from the doorway. Voldemort spun around and gasped as he saw who it was.

'Mother!' he exclaimed in astonishment.

'Why yes, you didn't forget me did you?' responded his noseless mother.

'Of course not but ahhhh the last time I saw you were sorta dead?'

'Yes well as you can see I am alive, isn't that good?'

'Yes mother' Voldemort grumbled. Emmett snickered to himself as Voldemort glared daggers. As usual Rosalie hit Emmett on the back of the head.

'Can you not do that?' Emmett whined.

'No'

'Oh okay then,' He said cheerfully.

'So Mrs Voldemort do you know how you got here?'Carlisle asked.

'Well actually it's Mrs _LORD _Voldemort but you can call me Nirusha, it's a name I stole off some little girl who lied to me about her age, she said that she was in yr 9 when she was clearly younger, so I gave her amnesia and stole her name-' she babbled.

'Yes, yes mother we get it' Voldemort answered

'As I was saying do you know how you got here' Carlisle encouraged.

'Well all I remember was walking around in the woods and hearing a ghastly scream,'

Carlisle groaned. 'Now I have to go make another wife' he sighed.

'Huh?'Jacob responded.

'Well ahhhh you see Esme died and then Harry came along, so when her clone died you came along,' Carlisle explained.

'How disgraceful you shouldn't say it like I'm a burden that's just plain rude,' Mrs Lord Voldemort complained.

'Right on!' Harry called out.

Everyone turned around to stare at him.

'Want me to hit him over the head?'Rosalie offered

Everyone nodded.

Harry ran out of the room at full speed.

Rosalie smiled an evil smile to everyone before following Harry.

'Mrs Lord Voldemort,' Carlisle started, 'you can do magic, right?'

'Of course, you imbecile,' she retorted.

'Would you do us a favour?'

'Anything for my little Voldy's friends,' she beamed.

'Mom,' Voldemort whined.

'Now now,' she shushed. 'Yes, I can do magic. Why do you ask?' she questioned.

'Well you see my son Edward's wife got turned into a squirrel-'

'CHIPMUNK!' Edward interrupted

'Yes, yes,' Carlisle reassured. To Mrs Lord Voldemort he mouthed, 'No not really.'

'Hey I heard that' Edward snapped.

Rosalie smacked him across the back of the head. She had snuck back while everyone was distracted.

'Why do you do that to everyone,' Edward complained.

'Cause it's fun' she said with a grin.

'ANYWAY,' Carlilse continued, ignoring the interruptions. 'We would really appreciate it if you would change Bella back into a human-'

'Or better yet, into a vampire,' Edward added.

'Yes, or a vampire. Whatever you prefer,' Carlisle smiled.

'Oh I don't know if I can do magic that big,' Mrs Lord Voldemort said embarrassed.

Edward's face fell.

'But my little voldy can do it.'

Edward turned to Voldemort pleadingly.

'Please will you do it?'

Voldemort stood in deep thought for a minute. _If I do this, then maybe they will help me take over the world. If they don't... well it'll be easy enough to turn the girl back into a squirrel._

'I'll do it,' Voldemort promised.

Edward was ecstatic. He ran up to Voldemort and kissed him on the cheek.

'Thank you thank you thank you,' Edward gushed.

Voldemort held up his hand to silence Edward and then wiped his cheek.

'That was gross,' he muttered.

Edward looked embarrassed.

'Jacob,' Carlisle called, 'go get Bella.'

Jacob raced to the other room and came back in record time.

'Almost as fast as a vampire,' Edward grinned.

Bella the squirrel stood nervously in the middle of the room as everyone stared at her. This was the first time Mrs Lord Voldemort had seen Bella and she was quite alarmed.

_Goodness what a huge squirrel, _she thought to herself.

Voldemort was about to perform the spell when his mother pulled him to the side.

'Mother,' he said in disgust,' why did you distract me?'

'Are you sure that squirrel is safe to be around?' she said, looking nervously at the squirrel.

'It doesn't matter,' he said impatiently,' she won't be a squirrel for long.'

Mrs Lord Voldemort continued to look worried. Voldemort sighed and turned to Carlisle.

'I'm going to turn her into a vampire. That's what you want right?'

Carlisle nodded.

Voldemort raised his wand, pointed it at Bella and muttered a few words.

The room filled with blue smoke and Bella had startedto glow so brightly that Voldemort had to look away. The vampires were able to continue to look at her without damaging their eyes.

The smoke started to clear and there stood Bella, looking like herself, but much more beautiful.

Edward gave a cry of happiness and then ran to Bella. He hugged her tightly and couldn't stop smiling.

Voldemort couldn't help tears coming to his eyes as he saw how much Edward loved Bella.

_Aaah young love,_ he thought and started reminiscing on his school days where he had fallen in love once.


End file.
